Women Who Love Men Who Are Difficult: A Guide for the Bewildered, Frustrated, and Betrayed

Introduction

In her groundbreaking book, Judith Segal explores the complex dynamics of relationships between women and difficult men. Drawing on her extensive experience as a psychotherapist, Segal provides a compassionate and insightful guide for women who find themselves in these challenging relationships.

Understanding Difficult Men

Segal begins by defining what she means by a "difficult man." She identifies several common traits of difficult men, including:

• Narcissism: Difficult men are often self-centered and have an inflated sense of their own importance. They may be arrogant, demanding, and entitled.
• Antisocial behavior: Difficult men may engage in antisocial behavior, such as lying, cheating, and stealing. They may also be verbally or physically abusive.
• Addiction: Difficult men may be addicted to alcohol, drugs, or gambling. Their addiction can wreak havoc on their relationships and their lives.
• Mental illness: Difficult men may suffer from mental illness, such as depression, anxiety, or bipolar disorder. Their mental illness can make it difficult for them to function in relationships.

Why Women Love Difficult Men

Segal explores the reasons why women are drawn to difficult men. She identifies several factors that can contribute to this attraction, including:

• Low self-esteem: Women with low self-esteem may be more likely to be attracted to difficult men because they feel they don't deserve better. They may believe that they are not worthy of love and respect, and they may be willing to put up with abuse in order to feel loved.
• Childhood trauma: Women who have experienced childhood trauma may be more likely to be attracted to difficult men because they are familiar with the pattern of abuse. They may feel that they are drawn to men who are similar to their abusers, and they may believe that they can fix them.
• Codependency: Women who are codependent may be more likely to be attracted to difficult men because they need to feel needed. They may be drawn to men who are needy and dependent, and they may feel that they can save them.

The Cycle of Abuse

Segal describes the cycle of abuse that is common in relationships between women and difficult men. The cycle begins with the man idealizing the woman. He may shower her with attention and affection, and he may make her feel like she is the most important person in the world. However, this idealization is soon followed by devaluation. The man begins to criticize the woman, and he may become verbally or physically abusive. The woman may try to appease the man, but her efforts are usually futile. The cycle of abuse continues until the woman finally leaves the relationship.

Breaking the Cycle

Segal offers hope for women who are trapped in relationships with difficult men. She provides a step-by-step guide for breaking the cycle of abuse and creating a healthy relationship. Her advice includes:

• Setting boundaries: Women need to set boundaries with difficult men. They need to let them know what behaviors are acceptable and what behaviors are not. They also need to be prepared to enforce their boundaries, even if it means ending the relationship.
• Seeking support: Women who are in relationships with difficult men need to seek support from friends, family, or a therapist. They need to have people who can help them through the difficult times and who can remind them that they are not alone.
• Taking care of themselves: Women who are in relationships with difficult men need to take care of themselves. They need to make sure they are eating healthy, getting enough sleep, and exercising regularly. They also need to find ways to relax and de-stress.

Conclusion

Women Who Love Men Who Are Difficult is a powerful and insightful book that offers hope for women who are trapped in relationships with difficult men. Judith Segal provides a compassionate and understanding guide for women who are struggling to make sense of their relationships and who are looking for a way to break free from the cycle of abuse.